So, last night I once again noticed that I had gray hairs. Now I am not going to lie, I have know that I have gray hairs for a while now. I also know why I have gray hairs ( Thank you Anatomy and Physiology class). It is just that I am finally accepting the gray hairs and that I am getting older.
Getting older sneaked up on me. You see up until really recently, I did not even think that I was aging at all. I thought that I was a young hot mamma, who was hip and still cool. I mean 32 is not old. Well not anymore. When I was in my 20's, thirty was old, and I could not even think about getting gray hair. Heck even if I did think about it, I just knew I would color it. Now, not so much.
A couple of days ago I heard some really bad news about an ex boyfriend of mine who is basically dying. While I have lost people who where close to me, not one of them was I intimately involved with. This is a man who watched me grow from an immature girl to a women who knew where and what I wanted out of my life. At one time I thought I would spend the rest of my life with this man. He was my best friend, my lover, my support. However he had one down side. Drinking. A lot. I could not sit by and watch him, in my eyes, kill himself with alcohol. So, I choose the easy way out and left. ( It was not on good terms, nor was it a nice way to leave the way I did). Fast forward a few years later and Him and I have buried the hatch, kinda of repaired our friendship. Both of us have also moved on romantically. I am happy that he finally meet a women who was a big enough motivation for him to quit drinking, and he was starting to have his fairytale. Then out of the blue, I read the devastated news on Facebook. I was speechless. I still pray for him everyday. He reminded me how short life can really be.
I got to thinking, and over the course of the next few days, I came to the realization that I have a really big list of people to thank for how I have turned out. Every boyfriend that did not work out. Every friend who stabbed me in the back, all those who have stuck by me through it all. Every single fail that the adults in my life as a child did, and every single fail I have done as an adult myself. Every job I lost through my own stupidity or others. Every confrontation that I have had. Every single moment of my life has made me who I am today.
If it would have worked out with my ex boyfriend or heck any of the ex's of my life, I would not have meet Mr. Wolf. Who, even thought I want to beat him at times, is really the greatest person in my life. It is because of our relationship that I have my two of the three most wonderful kids. I have a mother in law that most women would die for, and a "in Law" family that has taken me in and accepted me with all my faults. While the ex boyfriend watched me grow into a women, Mr. Wolf is that catalyst that has allowed me to reach my full potential.
I know that the day is going to come when I am going to morn my ex's passing. I hope that he realizes just how big a part he played in my life. In all honestly, if it was not for that relationship I would have never been able to have the relationship with Mr. Wolf that I do. And for that I will be eternally grateful. My wish for him now is that he is happy, loved and comfortable. I also hope that he has finally found the peace that he has so desperately looked for most of his life ( maybe to the point where he doesn't want to press the little red button).I am going to miss him. And there will be an ache in my heart when he does pass. Hopefully, he will read this and smile to himself. I pray that Jehovah watches over him and grates him the strength to make it through the coming battles.
And to think, I thought all of this while noticing that there where more gray hairs then the last time. <3
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